JD's Burgers

85 Willsmere Rd 

Kew, VIC 3101

http://jdsburgers.com.au/

What does an 8-layer burger look like?

2kg Legendary Super Saiyan Burger Challenge ($50)

This. It looks like this. It looks like regrets and dreams stacked into a 2kg monstrosity of cholesterol and saturated fats. Thankfully I wasn’t the one who ordered this.

This guy was the one who ordered it.

Hidden away on a suburban shopping strip in Kew is JD’s Burgers, a small take-away burger cafe that is popular with locals, tradies, and people turning in their dignity for a chance at the glory of completing the  burger challenge. In comparison, the promise of Asian fusion burgers almost fades into the background. But I’m a little more conscious about the condition of my arteries, so instead of unhinging my jaw on the 8-layer monstrosity, I decided to check out what happens to burgers when east meets west. 

JD's Mighty Beef Burger ($12)

As great as fusion creations may be, what is a local burger shop if it can’t get the basics right? I tested JD’s mettle with their signature burger, the JD’s Mighty Beef Burger ($12). Though thick and juicy, the patty erred towards blandness, and the cheese was only semi-melted. The rasher of bacon on the other hand was intoxicatingly smoky, combining well with the glazed brioche bun. Despite its flaws, it was a satisfyingly sloppy burger that earned itself a generous pass. 

Japanese Curry Chicken Burger ($11)

Of course, I couldn’t leave without trying something weird and wonderful as well. Though there are influences from all over Asia, including Korea, Vietnam, and Hong Kong, I couldn’t resist the Japanese Chicken Curry Burger ($11), which combined two things I love to eat. Between the same glossy buns was, quite literally, a scoop of saucy chicken curry, complete with chunks of potato. It was accompanied simply by fresh salad and a smear of Kewpie mayo. Even though it was unusual, it was unexpectedly delicious, even when there was nothing but sauce and bun left.

Beer Battered Chips with Special Seasoning ($4.5, small)/JD's Homemade Aurora Chip Sauce ($2)/Aioli Dipping Sauce ($2)

I have a confession: I only went to the gym that morning so I could have an order of Beer Battered Fries ($4.5, small) without feeling guilty. They would’ve been worth it regardless, with their lightly seasoned exterior and mushy centre. We also sampled the two dipping sauces on offer – a thick and potent Garlic Aioli ($2) which I loved, and the tangy Aurora Chip Sauce ($2) made with mayo and a secret ingredient. I thought it tasted like a faintly Asian pickle relish but alas, my tastebuds weren’t clever enough to work it out.

Despite the novelty factor of the Legendary Super Saiyan Challenge, JD’s is still a legitimate place for a decent burger. They have their classics down pat, whilst offering a wacky range of fusion burgers for the adventurous. There are plenty of chicken, fish, and vegetarian options, and you can even build your own sandwich from scratch. Aside from the extremely health-conscious, there’s likely something for everybody here. 

Rating: 13/20 – kamehameha!!

This rating reflects my personal experience at the time of visit.

Sweet and Sour Fork dined as a guest of JD’s Burgers

Laurie Dee's

Shop Re 03 Urban Diner Epping Plaza

Epping, VIC 3076

http://www.lauriedees.com.au/

From what I’ve heard, being a pharmacist in America is a super lucrative job. I would be earning 6-figures right out of the gate, and given that I’m currently working for peanuts, that’s some pretty good incentive to pack up and move overseas. However, whilst I’m seriously considering going to England down the track, I would never, ever move to America for the following reasons: one, I’ll have to learn to drive on the right (aka wrong) side of the road; two, I’ll have to re-do my pharmacy degree on my own dime; and three: there will be places like Laurie Dee’s beckoning on every street corner.

Melbourne has seriously upped its burger game in the last couple of years, and I’m honestly not sure if that’s a good thing, as I’m now spending approximately 82% of my time attempting to resist the lure of hot beef and melted cheese. But considering that I couldn’t remember my last burger, I felt that a trip out to Epping with Daniel was justified to try out what was dubbed by The Burger Adventure as Melbourne’s best-kept secret.

If Laurie Dee’s had opened closer to the city, business would be booming by now. Instead, it does a quiet but steady trade for what I’m guessing are a mix of locals and burger enthusiasts. It’s a cross between a diner and a fast food restaurant – you order at the counter, and pick your food up when your number is called. 

The Laurie Dee Double ($10.95)

Having come out this far, trying the signature burger was a no-brainer. I settled for The Laurie Dee Single ($8.45), whilst Daniel indulged in The Laurie Dee Double ($10.95). 

The Laurie Dee Single ($8.45)

I couldn’t vouch for the double (though Daniel really enjoyed it), but I thought that my Laurie Dee Single was pretty great. The American cheese melted lovingly into the crumbly, smash-styled patty and its crispy edges, and the generous amount of the Special ‘D’ Sauce meant that each mouthful was creamy and delicious. There was just enough salad and pickle relish to keep the burger fresh, and I really enjoyed it, but I couldn’t help but crave a little for the fatty, beefy goodness that was the double. 

Chilli Cheese Fries ($8.95)

Luckily, I had let Daniel talk me into getting the Chilli Cheese Fries ($8.95), and whilst these didn’t look mind-blowing, they were actually pretty close. The sticky mix of mild beef chilli and cheese sauce was delicious is a sinful, fast-food sort of way, whilst the diced onion made me feel a little better about myself. One thing definitely worth mentioning though was the special seasoning on the fries; I couldn’t tell what it was beyond a subtle herbs and spices mix, but consider me hooked. 

Banana Pecan Pie Sundae ($6.95, single)

Even if I had been full, I wouldn’t have been able to resist the Banana Pecan Pie Sundae ($6.95, single), made with not ice cream, but frozen custard. I have to say, frozen custard is a fantastic idea – it is undeniably rich and creamy like ice cream, whilst retaining the silky smooth mouth-feel of soft-serve. Layered with crumbly short bread, warm caramel fudge, crunchy pecans, and freshly sliced banana, this was as decadent as it sounds.

After that very satisfying meal, Daniel and I agreed that whilst we wouldn’t drive across town like we did for the burgers at Laurie Dee’s, we absolutely would drive a good 20 minutes, and if we lived in the area we would be there every week.

Rating: 14/20 – so hungry right now.

This rating reflects my personal experience at the time of visit. 

8bit.

8 Droop St 

Footscray, VIC 3011

http://www.eat8bit.com.au/

For a suburb that’s not known for being either hip or rad, 8bit. is a breath of fresh air in Footscray. Not only are they serving up diner classics gone wild gourmet in an area more known for its cheap and cheerful ethnic cuisine, they’re doing so with a retro twist. And within weeks, their milkshakes (and burgers) are bringing all the boys (and gals) to the yard.

Admittedly, 8bit. was not what I expected. Having only seen photos of the exterior, I was expecting something grungy; sort of like the kind of thing you’d find in Fitzroy, which was where I had originally thought 8bit. was. What we found was actually more akin to a cafe, if not for the all-pervading smell of sizzling beef. And as promised, an old-school arcade machine sat at the back of the restaurant, though one joystick was disappointingly broken. 

8bit with Cheese ($8.5)

8bit with Cheese ($8.5)

The namesake burger, the 8bit with Cheese ($8.5), was all technicolour glory. The first bite was an explosion of tangy sauces and melted cheese, and whilst the patty was a little on the thin side, the edges were crisp and salty, transitioning to a beefy, juicy centre. It reminded me an awful lot of Huxtaburger, albeit with a less sugary bun.

After the 8bit with Cheese however, I was at a loss for what to order. Everything was so whimsically named  after game references that I was tempted to order based on that alone; I mean, c’mon – a mushroom burger called the 1-up? I was still trying to decide on one of the hog dogs (wonder boy or fatal fury?) when Chris, who has previously visited with co-workers, told me that the dogs were actually rather run-of-the-mill. So that’s how I ended up ordering the Golden Axe ($9.5).

Golden Axe ($9.5)

Like the characters in the game, the Golden Axe was one juiced-up burger. Appearances can be deceiving however, and a few bites showed that this muscle-man was actually a big softie. The fried chicken fillet, though hefty, was actually surprisingly tender and juicy, combining with sriracha mayo and a thick wedge of American cheese for a rich, creamy experience. It’s a lot less in-your-face compared to the 8bit with Cheese, but definitely much more filling. 

Chilli Cheese Fries ($7.5)

And because it was Monday, we also had some Chilli Cheese Fries ($7.5). Though I’m no connoisseur of the diner classic, it’s hard to imagine it getting much better than this. Sloppy beef mince and a (un)healthy serving of sticky cheese sauce coated each and every chip, which held up remarkably under the onslaught and remained subtly crunchy, with a fluffy centre. The chopped scallions add lightness, and there was a satisfying amount of diced jalapenos to give it that promised heat. 

After ordering the chilli cheese fries, we had no way of justifying one of the milkshakes. Not to worry though – 8bit has teamed up with Free is Better, the world’s first free bottled spring water company, to slake the beef-and-cheese-induced thirst. 

If I had eaten at 8bit. a couple years ago when gourmet burgers were only just popping onto the scene, I would’ve pranced around it and sung its praises. These days however, a burger of 8bit’s quality is a lot easier to come by. Still, there is no denying that they offer a solid burger with some fantastic sides, and I won’t pretend that I’m not at least a little jealous of the people who live nearby.  

Rating: 14/20 – professor oak: now is not the time to use that.

This rating reflects my personal experience at the time of visit. 

Grand Trailer Park Taverna

87 Bourke St 

Melbourne, VIC 3000

http://www.grandtrailerpark.com.au/

So it looks like the burger craze ain’t goin’ nowhere. Try as we might, Melbourne just can’t seem to buck the trend, and the burgers have now been joined by milkshakes, hot dogs, and the like. I’d be lying if I said that I’m not thrilled with the plethora of good burgers springing up whichever way I turn, but I’m not sure my arteries feel the same. Luckily I’ve been good about going to the gym recently.

Grand Trailer Park Taverna takes the all-American trend one step further. In this case, the name really says it all – despite being indoors, it felt very much like a trailer park campground, set up for a night of drinking and revelling. The rough wooden picnic tables still smelt of freshly logged wood. 

Sangria

Alcoholic Ginger Ale

Spiked Salted Caramel Milkshake

The bar was open from the get go, and the alcohol flowed all night. Served up were three of the restaurant’s signature drinks – Sangria, Alcoholic Ginger Ale, and the Spiked Salted Caramel Milkshake. Everyone gravitated towards the milkshake, and its sinful combination of sugar and alcohol mixed into the fluffy milk and ice cream mixture. The alcoholic ginger ale was nice too, but I chose not to indulge in sangria after an awful experience with a truly delicious sangria that nevertheless left me feeling extremely sick. 

McDowell

Soon roving platters of scaled-down burgers started appearing out of the kitchen, and I for one am glad to be small enough to squeeze by, grab a slider, and disappear before anyone even noticed me. The first one I tried of the night was the McDowell, and no, that name is not a coincidence. It tasted like a (very good) Big Mac, right down to the melted Kraft cheese and special sauce with bits of pickles in it.

Cynthia Benson

The Cynthia Benson won’t convince anyone that it’s a bona fide beef burger, on account of the moist yet crumbly texture of the mushroom patty. When you look beyond that however, what you get is a surprisingly satisfying sandwich that’s full in flavour and doused in sauce. 

Chips

I managed to nab a serve of Chips, and they were thick, hand-cut with the skin still left on, and more than satisfactory. What I didn’t like so much was the tomato sauce, which had an oddly sweet taste to it. Maybe this is how tomato sauce in America tastes?

The Chunk

This time it was Chris who drew my attention to the similarities between The Chunk and another well-known fast food cheeseburger. And whilst I certainly agree to a certain extent, this was no mere cheeseburger. Not only was the familiar trio of bun-beef-cheese given a makeover with smoky onions and BBQ sauce, there were whole slices of jalapenos hidden beneath the patty that gave this burger a real kick.

Francis Underwood

Francis Underwood

We couldn’t leave without trying the Francis Underwood, the classic burger topped with an entire potato mac and cheese croquette. It may have been an imposing-looking slider, but unfortunately no one won in the end. The flavours of the burger were smothered by the sheer volume of the croquette, which added nothing but crunch and guilt.

Like I said, the burger craze is still going strong, but admittedly, I wouldn’t lump Grand Trailer Park Taverna as someone who’s jumping on the bandwagon. The impression I got was that it’s less food-centric, with its focus being providing a good time overall, rather than the best burgers known to mankind. So next time the workplace suggests drinks at another ho-hum bar, give this place a go instead.

Rating: 13/20 – party time, c’mon grab your friends.

This rating reflects my personal experience at the time of visit.

Sweet and Sour Fork dined as a guest of Grand Trailer Park Taverna.

Beatbox Kitchen

Location Varies

Melbourne, VIC

We waited 20 minutes and climbed 6 flights of stairs, only to find that Beatbox Kitchen at Rooftop Bar is no longer Beatbox Kitchen. Seeing as we’d already come this far, we ended up chasing the truck all the way to Carlton.

What greeted us was a surprisingly beautiful scene of families, friends, couples, and their dogs having a burger picnic on a beautiful Friday afternoon. Beatbox Kitchen has chosen its location well.

Raph Burger ($12)/Chilli Billy ($13)

15-20 minutes is a long wait for a burger, especially with my blood sugar being as low as it was. So was it worth it?

Raph Burger ($12)

Their classic burger, aka the Raph Burger ($12) was named for the hippin’ and hoppin’ founder of Beatbox Kitchen. Clearly a lot of thought has gone into the creation of this burger, because every bite was flawlessly balanced. The patty was thick and juicy, accompanied by a simple but devastating double whammy of creaminess, courtesy of the melted cheese and tangy Raph sauce. The flavour of the beef shone through the addition of crisp cos and tomato, and the overall taste was clean and satisfying. 

Chilli Billy ($13)

I don’t know who Chilli Billy ($13) is, but I love his fire. Though built similarly to the Raph, this one had the critical additions of jalapenos, pickles, and chipotle chilli sauce. The addition of tanginess and spiciness to the placid burger was a full-scale attack on the tastebuds, and I let myself be won over more than willingly.

Beatbox Kitchen is pretty great. Competition for burgers these days is fierce, and whilst these may not be my favourite in all of Melbourne, they hold up extremely well. It has a clean and wholesome feel to it that’s lacking from all the other burgers I’ve tried so far, whilst being satisfying in the only way a good burger can be.

Rating: 15/20 – dance party in my mouth.

This rating reflects my personal experience at the time of visit. 

Gloria Swanston's Kitchen

Upstairs at The Lounge

243 Swanston St 

Melbourne, VIC 3000

http://gloriaswanstons.com.au/

I’ve always been rather leery about bars. Though perhaps unfair, I feel like it’s often warranted. It’s not that bars don’t serve food, but I’ve realised that most people don’t go to bars to eat, even if the food is good. But like I always say: whatever floats your goat. And it’s food, not beer, that floats mine. 

Though the sign from the street says ‘Lounge’, it has since gone and reinvented itself, emerging as Gloria Swanston’s Kitchen. Still, a lounge is very much what it is – the music is booming, and there’s a disco ball hanging from the ceiling, casting fractals across the nooks and crannies. With the added bonus of a sheltered balcony for smokers, this is very much a place for the youngsters, especially the ones from RMIT, which is just up the road. Luckily, the staff at the bar are hip yet down to earth, with none of the pretension you may expect.

Kick-Ass Beef Burger ($16.5)

Ethan’s birthday was about a month ago, and because I couldn’t make it to the dinner, I’d vowed to treat the good man to whatever he wanted, which was a good burger. After consulting The Burger Adventure, which is the be-all-end-all guide to burgers of Melbourne if you ask me, we sunk our teeth into the aptly named Kick-Ass Beef Burger ($16.5).

Kick-Ass Beef Burger ($16.5)

It’s not often you get a burger full of salty bacon and double cheese, melted over the thick patty (juicy and charred) by default, so when it happens, it is indeed rather kick-ass. The fatty, messy mouthfuls of brioche, special sauce, and meat were supplemented with crispy shredded lettuce and pickle slices. Oh and, the crinkle cut chips on the side tossed in chipotle salt weren’t half bad either. 

Deep Fried Pizza Balls ($9.5, 5pcs)

Compared to the Deep Fried Pizza Balls ($9.5, 5pcs), the burger we just shared was almost light. Not only were the balls of mozzarella and pizza sauce battered and deep-fried to a golden brown, they were then to be dipped into a rich and thick basil mayo. Not that these weren’t good but dang son, I can feel these working their way into my arteries even now. 

Memphis Chicken Waffles ($10.5, 3pcs)

Like I was before my first time, Ethan was incredibly intrigued, and just a little repulsed by the idea of Memphis Chicken Waffles ($10.5, 3pcs). Though not as intensely flavoured as the waffles from Mr Big Stuff, the mild chicken wings were crisp and juicy, pairing well with the waffle, whose slightly plasticky texture was remedied by a good helping of syrup.

By 6:31, the disco ball was going psychedelically, and I was getting a sore throat shouting over the now-pounding music. Stay away if you have a hangover, or better still, rock up between 12-3pm every Tuesday for an $8 burger and fries combo that will kick that hangover up the buttocks (or so I’m told).

Rating: 15/20 – kick-ass.

This rating reflects my personal experience at the time of visit.