Stalactities

183 Lonsdale St 

Melbourne, VIC 3000

http://www.stalactites.com.au/

Sometimes the best things in life are the comfortable, safe, and predictable. Ever since starting my foodie journey, Stalactites has been largely ignored, becoming nothing more than a place that Chris and I promised each other that we’d get 3am souvlakis at one day. But back in the day, it was a place I heartily loved for their abundant meat platters and wholesome Greek food, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. 

Stalactites has been a Melbourne institution on a corner of Little Greece for goodness knows how long, and two years since my last visit, it still hasn’t changed a bit. The same stone walls, the same wooden tables, and of course, the same roof from which the restaurant got its name. And let’s not forget the same atrocious service. Some things just never change. 

Mixed Giro Platter ($16.9, small)

We ordered what we always ordered – a Mixed Giro Platter ($16.9, small) with some Pita Bread ($1.7 each) on the side. The mix of lamb and chicken off the spit was inconsistent as I had expected, with a mixture of succulent slices, pieces with crisp edges, and dry, flavourless trimmings. If anything, it was the pita bread that caught our attention. Sure it was probably frozen then microwaved back to life, but it was also brushed with butter and as a result, was soft and delicious. At least until it became dry and cold again.

Greek Garden Salad ($8.5, small)

To balance all that meat out, I insisted that we order a Greek Garden Salad ($8.5, small) to go with our meal. I have absolutely nothing to say about this because it was mediocre in every way. The vegetables were neither limp nor garden fresh, and the vinaigrette tasted like bottled salad dressing from Safeway. Nevertheless, it was a welcome bit of greenery added to our meal.

Up until this point, our experience has been just like any other time – average food and service that would shame even some of the Chinese restaurants around town, but overall a good time had. When it came to paying the bill however, the waitress took our money, and we ended up sitting there for 5 minutes waiting for our change, which never came. In all fairness it wasn't all that much but, did they really just take our money like that? After all that's said and done, I probably wouldn’t mind coming back to Stalactites every now and then if I’m craving some protein, but in the end I would probably only really use it as a source for convenient souvlakis at inconvenient times. 

Rating: 10/20 – money thieves.

The rating reflects my personal experience at the time of visit.