Portello Rosso

15 Warburton Ln 

Melbourne, VIC 3000

http://portellorosso.com.au/home.html

Melbourne is a magical place. You think you know it all then BAM, you turn a corner and there’s something else you had never expected. Portello Rosso is one of those places. It’s so well hidden away, down an alley with nothing except a small rectangle sign to indicate it’s presence.

As soon as we stepped inside, we knew we had struck gold. The front room was classy yet comfortable, the walls lined with exposed brick and bottles of wine. There’s also an upstairs that we never got to see, but I’m completely ok with that, considering they sat us down in full view of the open kitchen. The small tables are just the thing for a cosy date, and the romantic lighting was augmented by flicking candles. Unfortunately that also meant that my photos turned out grainy and horrible, so the moral of the story is: the grainier photos I take, the better date spot it makes. 

I’m so glad I had decided to make a booking on a whim because as it turns out, they weren’t accepting walk-ins until 8pm that day. We watched smugly as several parties got turned away whilst we were having the menu explained to us. On offer was a tantalising $55pp banquet, where the chefs will make it rain 7-9 dishes into our eager mouths. Shame our eager mouths wanted paella, so we regretfully skipped on that. 

Clams cooked with Chilli, Garlic, White Wine and Parsley ($16.5)

Clams cooked with Chilli, Garlic, White Wine and Parsley ($16.5)

We made our start with an exquisite bowl of Clams cooked with Chilli, Garlic, White Wine and Parsley ($16.5). I can’t even begin to say how much I loved this, scoffing down the well-marinated clams with pillow-soft bread that’s been grilled, and then drizzled with garlic oil. The tender little morsels were vivaciously flavoured with chilli and garlic, and I licked the shells clean, loathing to waste even a little bit of it. 

Crispy Pork Belly over Almond and Garlic Puree ($6ea)

As an interlude, we shared a piece of their famous Crispy Pork Belly over Almond and Garlic Puree ($6ea). This was once again astoundingly good, the square of pork cooked to utter tenderness, the fat rendered so it was just a thin, flavoursome layer between the meat and the crackling. But what really made it was the almond and garlic puree. Fragrant from the garlic, nutty from the almond, and just a little bit sour, it gave the richness of the pork belly some much-needed balance and intrigue. 

Paella de Carne ($19.5pp, min. 2 people)

Paella de Carne ($19.5pp, min. 2 people)

But what we’ve really been hanging out for is the Paella de Carne ($19.5pp, min. 2 people), a paella stuffed full of all the good things Spain has to offer – Chorizo, Botifarra, Morcilla, plus a plethora of other meats and vegetables. Topped off with a sticky, caramelised bottom, this wasn’t amazing but it was so amazing – comforting, delicious and hearty. If I were Spanish and had an open flame for cooking paellas, I’d make one after a bad day, and eat the entire thing in front of the TV with a season of Futurama. 

Ice Cream Terrine ($9.5)

We were surprised we still had room for dessert after the paella, but luckily we did – for something light anyway. I normally wouldn’t go for ice cream, but this time I’ve been craving it for weeks, so Ice Cream Terrine ($9.5) it was. The flavours of the day were Salted Caramel, Pedro Ximenez, and Pistachio, all compressed into a rectangle with hazelnut nougat drizzled across. This was some good ice-cream, and I had trouble picking between the Pedro Ximenez (fruity and a little alcoholic) and Pistachio (nutty with that unique pistachio taste) as my favourite. The crunchy hazelnut praline only made things better. 

Portello Rosso was brilliant. It reminded me once again why I love Spanish food so – simple, good food with bold, intoxicating flavours. Whilst it’s much, much less well known compared to the dominating Spanish presence in Melbourne, MoVida, I think it’s just as good in its own way. And that’s lofty praise indeed coming from me. Go to MoVida if you want your tastebuds titillated, but Portello Rosso is where you want to be for a simple yet outstanding dinner with no pretention.

Rating: 16/20 – viva espańa!

The rating reflects my personal experience at the time of visit.

Moroccan Soup Bar

183 St Georges Rd

Fitzroy North, VIC 3068

I always find it hard to pass up a banquet. If you ask me, the banquet/degustation option offered at restaurants is like the grown-up version of buffets – something I’ve outgrown but wish I hadn’t. I’ve been keen on Moroccan Soup Bar’s vegetarian banquet for a long time, and yes they do have a spoken a la carte menu, but why subject the waitresses to that when everyone else is having the $20 Banquet? And for an extra $5 per person, you can upgrade to their special banquet, which comes with a bigger variety of entrees. 

We joined the line forming outside Moroccan Soup Bar at 5:50pm, and were ushered into one of the last seats available 15 minutes later. We were seated in the perfect place to watch people get turned away, something that happened approximately every 5-10 minutes during our meal. Most people who walked past tended to stop and stare through the window, not that I blame them – the interior was painted violent shades of orange and yellow, and packed to the rafters with customers and noise. As busy as it was though, the owner – a fierce, lovely woman with a mane of black hair – managed the floor with brisk confidence, and still had time to ask after each diner.

First Course - Dips and Pickles served with Flat Bread

Almost as soon as we had confirmed that we were having the $20 banquet, our entree of Dips and Pickles served with Flat Bread landed on our table, along with small glasses of mint tea to warm the belly. This plate was a riot of flavours – creamy hummus and sour yoghurt and smoky eggplant and salty olives and soft potatoes and god knows what else, all flavoured generously with parsley and mint for you to mix and match to your heart’s content.

Second Course - Vegetable Stew with Couscous

Then the mains started coming out, the first of which being a sort of Vegetable Stew with Couscous. As you can probably imagine, this was nothing amazing, but it was hearty with the big chunks of potato and eggplant in a rich tomato-based sauce, good for cold winter nights where you don’t want to gorge on a plate of lasagne. 

Second Course - Lentil Curry with Yoghurt

The second of the mains was a plate of Lentil Curry with Yoghurt, served with two types of rice – saffron and tomato.  This was another simple yet flavoursome dish, the lentils cooked to a beautiful al-dente, the yoghurt providing coolness to the feast of carbs. The leftovers made for a wonderful work lunch the next day. 

Second Course - Chickpea Bake

Second Course - Chickpea Bake

Last of all, the signature dish of Moroccan Soup Bar – the Chickpea Bake. This is somewhat of an unusual dish, on first impressions looking like nothing more than a giant bowl of yoghurt. Digging in however, you realise that it’s actually a big bowl of chickpeas, layered with crispy tortilla chips and smothered in a mix of tangy yoghurt and sour cream. Despite being vegetarian, this dish is anything but healthy. What it is is absurdly delicious and unique with its varied textures and copious usage of butter. This is enough to convert even the most hardcore of meat-eaters. 

Third Course - Turkish Delight-Filled Donut, Fruit and Nut Ball, Mint Tea, Turkish Coffee

We were full to the brim (and that’s after me putting some of the food away in a container to take home), but how could we say no to dessert? Like the rest of the meal, it was a simple affair – a Turkish Delight-Filled Donut, a Fruit and Nut Ball, and our choice of Mint Tea or Turkish Coffee.

The fruit and nut ball wasn’t anything amazing, but I actually enjoyed the sweet denseness of the donut, and hint of floral from the rosewater Turkish delight, which went amazingly with the coffee. The dark, oily brew was smoky, syrupy, and strong enough to wake a mule. Good thing I had a mint tea on the side to clear the palate at the end.

Moroccan Soup Bar is exactly what its name suggests – it serves soup kitchen food made with care and love. It’s great to see family and friends seated at tables, jostling for space and reaching across each other to grab food. It has a great community feel to it, but fair warning – if you’re not a party of 6 or more with a booking, or with the batch of people lining up 15 minutes before opening, you probably won’t get a seat within the next hour. But they do have take away, so that’s always an option; BYO Tupperware though!

Rating: 14/20 – vegetarian for carnivores.

The rating reflects my personal experience at the time of visit.

Pizza Religion

493 Tooronga Rd 

Hawthorn East, VIC 3123

www.pizzareligion.com.au

Now that the weather is as crisp as autumn apples, I’ve once again begun to crave the heartier things life has to offer. Pasta, curry, noodles, and of course, a good pizza. And that’s where Pizza Religion comes in. 

Ever since I got a recommendation from Sarah that pretty much went ‘OHMIGAWD MING HAVE YOU BEEN TO PIZZA RELIGION?’, I’ve wanted to go. Except it seemed like such a pain to get to, being in the middle of suburban Melbourne and not really close to any trains. Then I realised that there was a tram that goes right by, so I got on that (literally and metaphorically) in a jiffy.

Pizza Religion is a humble place. It’s a little bit cramped and gloomy in the outer section but then we walked through a narrow walkway and all of a sudden, we were in a beautiful courtyard. The heater was going, the rain was bouncing off the clear plastic sheets, and we could smell the pizzas in the oven – it was perfect. 

Chorizo Pizza ($18)

Chorizo, prawns, and jalapenos? Sold. Except Chris wasn’t so thrilled about the jalapenos, but I managed to convince him that he could just pick them off. The Chorizo Pizza ($18) was a vibrant take on a traditional sausage pizza, the sweet prawns and chunky, piquant chorizo melding together perfectly on a crispy base. It was also a little bit spicy thanks to the jalapenos and chipotle sauce but, it’s the kind of spicy that tingles the lips and makes you want to take another bite. 

Mushroom Pizza ($17)

I also had my eyes on the Mushroom Pizza ($17), which has already been raved about by many bloggers. I absolutely loved this; the mushrooms were dark and earthy, complemented by the sweetness of the onion and balsamic, and a faint underscore of musty Talleggio cheese. It was the perfect autumn pizza, heady with the flavours of a good harvest.

I really, really enjoyed Pizza Religion. The pizzas were wholesome, fresh and rather exciting, and the courtyard on a rainy afternoon was comfortable like sitting in your pyjamas with a cup of tea. I sincerely hope the people who live in the vicinity know just how lucky they are. 

Rating: 15/20 – church of the mushroom pizza.

The rating reflects my personal experience at the time of visit.

Stalactities

183 Lonsdale St 

Melbourne, VIC 3000

http://www.stalactites.com.au/

Sometimes the best things in life are the comfortable, safe, and predictable. Ever since starting my foodie journey, Stalactites has been largely ignored, becoming nothing more than a place that Chris and I promised each other that we’d get 3am souvlakis at one day. But back in the day, it was a place I heartily loved for their abundant meat platters and wholesome Greek food, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. 

Stalactites has been a Melbourne institution on a corner of Little Greece for goodness knows how long, and two years since my last visit, it still hasn’t changed a bit. The same stone walls, the same wooden tables, and of course, the same roof from which the restaurant got its name. And let’s not forget the same atrocious service. Some things just never change. 

Mixed Giro Platter ($16.9, small)

We ordered what we always ordered – a Mixed Giro Platter ($16.9, small) with some Pita Bread ($1.7 each) on the side. The mix of lamb and chicken off the spit was inconsistent as I had expected, with a mixture of succulent slices, pieces with crisp edges, and dry, flavourless trimmings. If anything, it was the pita bread that caught our attention. Sure it was probably frozen then microwaved back to life, but it was also brushed with butter and as a result, was soft and delicious. At least until it became dry and cold again.

Greek Garden Salad ($8.5, small)

To balance all that meat out, I insisted that we order a Greek Garden Salad ($8.5, small) to go with our meal. I have absolutely nothing to say about this because it was mediocre in every way. The vegetables were neither limp nor garden fresh, and the vinaigrette tasted like bottled salad dressing from Safeway. Nevertheless, it was a welcome bit of greenery added to our meal.

Up until this point, our experience has been just like any other time – average food and service that would shame even some of the Chinese restaurants around town, but overall a good time had. When it came to paying the bill however, the waitress took our money, and we ended up sitting there for 5 minutes waiting for our change, which never came. In all fairness it wasn't all that much but, did they really just take our money like that? After all that's said and done, I probably wouldn’t mind coming back to Stalactites every now and then if I’m craving some protein, but in the end I would probably only really use it as a source for convenient souvlakis at inconvenient times. 

Rating: 10/20 – money thieves.

The rating reflects my personal experience at the time of visit.